Perfect timing.

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Orea
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Postby Orea » Thu Mar 24, 2016 12:04 am

Alright, here we go. This is going to be a long post, so stay with me. It will also be personal.

The fact that Ninjavideo came back at this exact moment in time is fucking proof there is such a thing as Destiny. There could not have been a better time for me to come back to this astoundingly fertile soil of knowledge, wisdom, culture and love.

Fun fact: Around the time NV went down, I discovered what depression was. And strangely enough, years later, right when I get better, when I open myself up to the world and people around me again, Ninja comes back into my life. /mindblown

Now let me tell you a bit about why I fell into a deep depression and what happened since my "recovery". Although I do not think you are ever fully cured. Depression is an every day struggle, it does not go away, it simply lurks in the shadows waiting for a bad day. Every time I have a few of those, I'm fucking terrified I'm going to return to square 1 and fall back into my destructive habits. But anyway. The reasons I wanted to kill myself every damn day.

I've always been excellent at school. It was always understood that I would get into a "Great School" (the French elite school system). And I did. After two years of "prep school" (intensive courses to pass the test to enter those great schools), I entered the Institute of Political Sciences. I left within the year. I could not take it. I came from a heavily left-wing family, myself even more so. And I just did not belong to this world. Who were these people congratulating Israel bombing the Gaza strip in the corridors? I remember that well because it was the morning after Phara made a fucking epic intro to Lowkey on Ninja, and I blasted "Long Live Palestine" with my phone through the school. (
They'd sold me the ideal of intellectual excellence and all I was left with was teachers nodding to students' presentations literally copy/pasted from the manuals I'd read the day before. Wasn't this the school centred on the idea of critical thinking? I heard an economy teacher say that there was no more poverty issue in France. Tell that to the 6 million people unemployed and to the goddamn masses flooding the street to protest because they don't have enough to fucking eat.

So I left. I came back home (on the other side of the country, that definitely was also a factor of my issues with my new environment). I left the system of the Great Schools and I went to public university. I tried to go back to Law (as I'd started with that in the prep school) but I already knew I despised it. So I went and studied English literature and civilization. I finished my master last year and then I got into the preparatory year for the test to become a University Professor, during the fall 2015.

From the time I left Sciences Po up until roughly my masters, I quit my life. I had failed (a first in my life). No one understood the decision to leave, because of course that school was a great opportunity. I'd been given a chance. I was told I was an ingrate to my parents who'd supported me financially all these years. I came back in the south of France, registered into uni and breezed through my licence and master without trying to make any friends, without caring about what I was doing, and fucking hating the people around me. I just went to the mandatory classes and test, and went home. There, I'd spend entire days on my computer, gaming online and finding friends on the net I would never have believed could even exist. My guild kept me alive, truthfully.

[break : rolling time!]

Now for the reasons I got better.
Well the first is that I met a few select people who gave me back my faith in humanity. It took me years, but I finally found two girls at university who I clicked with. I'd lay my life down for them if I had to. Their entry into my life was a fucking blessing.

They were not the only reason though.
You want honesty? My father died. That is the main factor. Yes, this sounds strange, and yet I bet a few of you will know what I mean. I was fucking liberated.
I'd always had an extremely difficult relationship with my father. It was violent, physically a few times, and most of all emotionally/psychologically. The only thing we could agree on was our taste for science-fiction (I wrote my master thesis on Frank Herbert's Dune), and our political views. I fucking hated the man for not knowing how to love me. He made me feel inadequate and unlovable. Fun fact: I have never had a single relationship in my life. He told me he loved me once, but not as much as he could have if I had been a normal girl. Other fun fact, I managed to orgasm during sex for the first time in my life, not two months after his death. Go figure.

For years we'd been living (him most of all, my mum and I) with the disease. After he lost his ability to eat (he was nourished through tubes) he slowly faded within himself, not able to socialize normally. He passed last April. I'm selling the house which has been the reason for our family troubles and putting all that shit behind me. I'm cutting ties with my father's family and I'm choosing the members of my new family, one by one. I finally have time to think about myself, to wonder about what I want in life.


So now that we've established all that, if you're still with me and remember everything I just explained, you know that this year, I was supposed to pass the test to become a professor. This was not what I want in life. I want the fucking Revolution.
So when Bataclan hit, and then the pathetic regional elections, and the political climate here, I fucking blew up. I decided to quit. I do not want to become part of their system, I do not want to transfer knowledge if its sole aim is to keep the system in place. The system is rotten to the core and we need to rethink every single aspect of it. So I left, and I decided I would write. I was trained for this. For gathering data, putting it all in perspective, and reflect upon it. I'm going to start a crowd-funded blog and see where it takes me.

I'm actively engaged into the fight against the labour law reform the government is trying to force down our throat. The mobilisation is growing, and tomorrow in the General Assembly of my university, we will be calling for a general strike (students+professors+other employees). I honestly think that this movement could very well go further than just fighting against one law. We could start something massive. I'm meeting a incredible number of amazing people. Seriously, this day has been fucking incredible.

AND NOW NINJA IS FUCKING BACK !
This is what I mean. This is what is blowing my mind since yesterday. You could not have come back into my life at a better time. NV boards were a treasure trove of argumentative logic. I trained my brain on here. And now that I have this life plan, you come back. You are here once again to offer me support, constructive criticism and polemical debates, and knowledge. Fucking knowledge. And Love. How could I forget the Love...

So thank you for that. I'd let myself fall asleep for a time, but now I'm awake. For good. And I'm not, ever, backing down. The world need the revolution. Our fucking species needs a makeover. The people at the top needs to go, and the only way to do that is to educate people around you so that they join the fight. The sheer amount of intelligence I had the pleasure to discover in the last few days on campus make me believe. The fact that Ninja is back out there gives me hope.

I fucking love you people.

PS: I'm exhausted and really stoned so you'll forgive any mistake you find, I hope
PS2: Again, sorry for the long post, but I've had these thought in my heads all day and had to get them out. I literally ate nothing today, and when I finally got home I actually forgot to eat even though i'm starving because i needed to get this out on NV.
PS3: I'll make other threads to expand a bit more on what is going on in France/the kind of writing I want to offer, etc. Fair warning, they will mostly be in C&D ;)
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Postby ink » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:04 am

:o

Orea, woah, i think that is an incredible story! Divine even. You passed through the fire and came out better. i love the equating of coming here, to that of mental gymnastics.. :D ninja absolutely played a huge role in accelerating my personal growth in many areas. you paint a colorful personal testimony, and im so glad you shared. i can literally feel the heat from the fire ninja caused, it resonantes evolution through your story. this shouldnt be in random, its too important.. it should be somewhere where it wont get buried! i need to elevate this...
how can i elevate this...?


/goes to spread the word
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Postby Candeeoke » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:15 am

Synchronicity! If you aren't familiar with the term you will instantly understand when you read the definition. I swear by the concept and see it so much in my life. It seems to be a huge factor in yours as well.

This is a lovely intro. Thank you for sharing what you've been up to. I'm so happy to see you back on the boards again. <3
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Postby GingGangGhoul » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:15 am

Orea, your story is incredible and not the only one alike I feel. Over the past year I've felt a shift socially, politically/geopolitically that has almost necessitated Ninja rear it's beautiful head in this combined manner again.

I know myself for one struggles with the dark cloud, unfortunately I haven't found a resolution yet but strangely I'm always optimistic. But I definitely feel like Ninja being back is an omen of sorts!
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Postby Azealdread » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:23 am

Ninja carried me from depression long ago, and people here taught me to be my self and not to shell out a fake mask for others to see. I am so glad this community could help others out. If you ever need someone to chat with hit me up! =D
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Postby NaranjaRa » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:36 am

you honor this entire board by sharing your testament. seriously. my eyes might have just teared up.

i don't really believe in chance, not for the big stuff.
and you're not alone with the thought that the timing of this resurrection is uncanny.

you've made my mind swim. and my heart beat a little faster.
quite simply: you are the essence of what makes this place what it is.
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AliceElite
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Postby AliceElite » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:39 am

I read every single word in that wot and I could not be happier for you.

I struggle with depression and anxiety so I understand fully both the hopelessness of experiencing it and the relief that comes from moving past it.

Oddly enough, as ninja faded I also slipped into a deep depression (for unrelated reasons) and just in the past 6 months struggled out from the dark hole I was in. I find myself, for the first time in years, actually happy, energized, and filled with a fire to make change and be a part of the revolution - Just as ninja re-emerges into my life. It is, like you said, perfect timing.

<3 I'm honestly just so happy for you and so glad that you're here now.<3
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Corgimom
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Postby Corgimom » Fri Mar 25, 2016 3:48 am

Thankyou for speaking your hard truths. I can't think of anything to say that might not come across as trite.
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Postby girlapaloo » Fri Mar 25, 2016 1:46 pm

Thank you for telling your story. I share some of the same feelings. I have not spoken about it with anyone really, but my father also passed away recently. I can empathize with what it's like to live with someone who makes you feel unlovable, mainly because they do not know how to love. It's good self-care to just process all the emotions gradually, and move on like you are doing. :)

Also, hell yeah writing your master thesis on Dune!
Welcome home, really glad you're here <3
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Orea
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Postby Orea » Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:16 pm

Ninja rules. That is all.

You're all wonderful people. Serendipity.
To all of you who fear the "dark cloud" (excellent imagery, by the way), I'm here if you wanna talk. (Girlapaloo, you got me. Also, maybe one day i'll share my thesis on Dune here :p )

Ink wrote:i love the equating of coming here, to that of mental gymnastics..ninja absolutely played a huge role in accelerating my personal growth in many areas.


Man, that is the whole reason I started coming to the forums. C&D, man. Having to read a person's fully structured argument, take it apart and build your counter-argument around it, beyond it. Boards are the perfect fucking place to learn, exchange ideas and grow.

Ink wrote:this shouldnt be in random, its too important.. it should be somewhere where it wont get buried! i need to elevate this...
how can i elevate this...?

/goes to spread the word


<3

Unrelated, but I'm gorging myself on french documentaries (we're organizing viewings on campus!). I'll make a list of subbed ones if that is of interest to anyone (Question though, is it allowed to post links somewhere? I saw the documentary section had a "no link" tag on it.). Right now I'm watching "Les Nouveaux Chiens de Garde" ('The New Watchdogs'). It exposes the links between media and business, famous journalists and their relationship to the men in power.


They're all fucking whores.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 9:32 am

/pending
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 9:40 am

ink wrote::o

Orea, woah, i think that is an incredible story! Divine even. You passed through the fire and came out better. i love the equating of coming here, to that of mental gymnastics.. :D ninja absolutely played a huge role in accelerating my personal growth in many areas. you paint a colorful personal testimony, and im so glad you shared. i can literally feel the heat from the fire ninja caused, it resonantes evolution through your story. this shouldnt be in random, its too important.. it should be somewhere where it wont get buried! i need to elevate this...
how can i elevate this...?


/goes to spread the word

Word. This and things like this need their own forum. Something wholly Evolution 3.0 style.

/doing now

//done, redirect purposefully left. you inspired this forum orea.


and that reminds me, we had something similar in 2.0 post raid... we should find it. so many beautiful words.
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Orea
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Postby Orea » Mon Mar 28, 2016 10:05 am

Phara wrote:Word. This and things like this need their own forum. Something wholly Evolution 3.0 style.

/doing now

//done, redirect purposefully left. you inspired this forum orea.


and that reminds me, we had something similar in 2.0 post raid... we should find it. so many beautiful words.


There are no words. Thank you, Queen. /bows
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 10:19 am

candee wrote:Synchronicity! If you aren't familiar with the term you will instantly understand when you read the definition. I swear by the concept and see it so much in my life. It seems to be a huge factor in yours as well.

This is a lovely intro. Thank you for sharing what you've been up to. I'm so happy to see you back on the boards again. <3

Fuck yes.

The Synchronicity Factor.

There are no words.

Lost Tribe.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 10:20 am

GingGangGhoul wrote:Orea, your story is incredible and not the only one alike I feel. Over the past year I've felt a shift socially, politically/geopolitically that has almost necessitated Ninja rear it's beautiful head in this combined manner again.


I feel this in my soul GGG
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 10:24 am

NaranjaRa wrote:you honor this entire board by sharing your testament. seriously. my eyes might have just teared up.

i don't really believe in chance, not for the big stuff.
and you're not alone with the thought that the timing of this resurrection is uncanny.

you've made my mind swim. and my heart beat a little faster.
quite simply: you are the essence of what makes this place what it is.

holy fuck anna, there are no words. Literally my heart was beating faster.

I don't think I've shared this too much but I've never used the way back machine on NinjaVideo. I have it bookmarked on my main bar but even the thought of hitting it now sparks an anxiety attack. This post above, this OP... it finally had my heart beating with that excitement of seeing something so wholly Ninja FORUM... without thinking that, well that's it... it's dead. Fuck tears in my eyes now for the torture that was. sheer blinding pain.

Now... we're all here now. And it came at the most insane time of my life as well. There are no words for the Synchronicity.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 10:29 am

Orea wrote:
Unrelated, but I'm gorging myself on french documentaries (we're organizing viewings on campus!). I'll make a list of subbed ones if that is of interest to anyone (Question though, is it allowed to post links somewhere? I saw the documentary section had a "no link" tag on it.). Right now I'm watching "Les Nouveaux Chiens de Garde" ('The New Watchdogs'). It exposes the links between media and business, famous journalists and their relationship to the men in power.


They're all fucking whores.


lol, as long as they're public domain or they have those creative commons allowances. While I'm pretty sure y'all can get away it, blah blah... I'm not really trying to tempt the feds in any way. I'm sure I'm being watched. :/

That being said, feel free to start a discussion thread and link to the imdb and any other relevant information regarding the film, including pictures and such. Or whatever it is that doesn't send me back to prison.
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Postby NaranjaRa » Mon Mar 28, 2016 11:20 am

Phara wrote:
NaranjaRa wrote:you honor this entire board by sharing your testament. seriously. my eyes might have just teared up.

i don't really believe in chance, not for the big stuff.
and you're not alone with the thought that the timing of this resurrection is uncanny.

you've made my mind swim. and my heart beat a little faster.
quite simply: you are the essence of what makes this place what it is.

holy fuck anna, there are no words. Literally my heart was beating faster.

I don't think I've shared this too much but I've never used the way back machine on NinjaVideo. I have it bookmarked on my main bar but even the thought of hitting it now sparks an anxiety attack. This post above, this OP... it finally had my heart beating with that excitement of seeing something so wholly Ninja FORUM... without thinking that, well that's it... it's dead. Fuck tears in my eyes now for the torture that was. sheer blinding pain.

Now... we're all here now. And it came at the most insane time of my life as well. There are no words for the Synchronicity.


it's not even strange to me anymore, not when this happens, definitely not here with us. i just read this and was like, "OF COURSE this happened at the Right Time for you!" like it did for me, and from what i am hearing now, almost everyone else present.

i also believe that this magic - this synchronicty - reveals itself to us when we are doing what we need to be doing. it's a reminder that when we're on the right path we get a glimpse of that Larger Thing that binds us and everything else together.

look you all got me typing through tears again dammit....
ah u people....this place!

orea...you sparked this baby *bow* ;)
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Mon Mar 28, 2016 12:22 pm

Yea she did. Spark it that is. Amazing thread.

(still haven't slept - that makes me so happy)
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Postby Feydakin » Mon Mar 28, 2016 4:26 pm

Sorry it took me so long to write something here. It's funny how so many people came to these crossroads and that this community came back at this time, in this way. It's like we never left, but it also feels like it's been forever. It's destiny, if you believe in such things... I'm so looking forward to getting back into the groove with everyone. ;)
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:07 am

I came in here to read this again because it makes me happy :)
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Orea
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Postby Orea » Tue Apr 19, 2016 6:56 pm

Phara wrote:I came in here to read this again because it makes me happy :)


<3

So let me just start this post with an apology. Since the last time I posted, I literally had no time to check on ninja. I went to the national student coordination, realized campus is not where the revolution's at, at least not in my city, so right now I'm following some very fucking cool squat installation.

It's not only gonna be a squat, but a totally free political space where anything can happen. Obviously, I'll tell you more as soon as I can, but for now I'm not sure what I can write on a public forum without too many risks... No organization holds it, whoever wants to come here and talk, can. Townhall has filed a complaint, but for now they haven't send the cops to evacuate us. Our mayor, Alain Jupé, is a smart asshole, very good with "communication" as they say, and by the way, he's a candidate for the presidential elections in 2017. Also, as there is a no phone/device allowed, i actually cannot get on ninja video from there..

Anyway, again, I'm sorry I can't be here more, but I promise I will have a shit ton of amazing things to tell you as soon as things slow down a little (hopefully soon, I've been missing quite a lot of sleep lately :rolleyes: )

Much love everyone :)
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Postby girlapaloo » Tue Apr 19, 2016 7:23 pm

Orea!!!!! You've been very missed! <3

Thanks for checking in.
Keep a journal of your adventures, so you can transfer all your thoughts here when time allows :)
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Postby ink » Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:16 pm

yes! i 2nd the journal idea.. i would be interested in all the amazing things happening!
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Postby Philly » Sat Jun 25, 2016 1:59 pm

I 3rd the journal idea or let us know if/ when you do the crowd funded blog. Thanks for sharing your story.
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