This is enormous. I want to stop over every post and like it. I'm naturally more of an FB person, and I love to post news, science, politics, whatever. It has utility for me in communicating with family mostly. So my inclination when I am reading the threads is to rate them, to clap, to smile, to laugh, to care, in essence, to respond to.
But it is difficult to engage when I am so new. I weigh the consequences of everything I write, as if it could be read out in court one day. Because it's a scary world.
It reminds me alot of the recent teachers college course I took. Threads upon threads of analysis, and thoughtful responses. Heavy content.
It's....well, intimidating. Not that you don't all embrace one another, man, its amazing. Waves of it. Tangibly.
I'm trying to work up the courage to respond. I'm more of an observer. Even in the long ago NinjaVideo (rest in peace) I would just read and not respond.
I was scared.
Personally, I still am. The idea that violence was visited upon any of you is abhorrent. I just want to understand.
I tried to follow as best as I could, but I didn't have THAT kind of courage. So, I am throwing in my hat.
I am communicating. As myself. And my first thought about this forum is, thank you. Thank you for bringing it back. I was one of those people who waited with baited breath for it's return. I felt awful. In my heart I wanted to help.
I want to know what happened.
It's the story that needs to be told. To clear the air. To remember and 'put right what once went wrong'...
...I really appreciate all of your responses and I am getting to know you slowly...
My second thought was this:
My very first interaction with this forum/community was this: the Queen reached out, and a royal hand lifted a peasants gaze. She steered him to action.
She asked me to read about the plight of a member. I really was blown away by the communication. And saddened by the reason, but I empathized. Brutal! Fuck those people! She was having a bad time at work. It was shitty. I was sad for her. I didn't really know what to say. But she was in my thoughts. She still is.
I watched as all of these different people came out with such strong, crazy, beyond altruistic support. Overwhelmingly inspiring. They just let her know they were there for her, and wanted her to tell them how they could help. Sensitively assuring her. These people were on deck!
And this peasant was given a significant and illuminating gift. I been reading some of the threads of all the cool colours and rankings and awesomeness you can earn here. It's...wow.
But I told her I didn't think I had enough "ninja". I meant, regardless of however long I had known about NV or had followed it, I was nascent at participating, and hadn't earned the ability yet to assert myself yet as a voice in the crowd. She patiently clarified, that one is born ninja, it is not something you accumulate.
But she respected my choice. I wanted to tell her, I used to be. Used to be engaged, used to be at the rallies and used to be loud. I got hurt. Not legendary hurt, just everyday hurt. And I shut up. So I just wanted to say thank you for reminding me that I cannot be unconnected to this, this, legendary group of people.
My third thought is:
I think I posted to one other thread, but this is still the only thread I feel comfortable in. I haven't gone over as much as I would like before I pop my head up.
I clicked on GhostDogg's cool soundcloud, and it is really nice. I put the needle back on that record a few times. In fact, I'm going to go listen now! Respect to my Canadian brother.
I hope to engage a little more. It's kind of having a legend in your mind, hero worship. To talk to your heroes is hard.
It wasn't what I thought it would be. It was better.
I want to thank all of you who made me feel welcome, by name.
And please, AliceElite, you are so loved. Take solace in that.
I'm a complete stranger and I am still affected by your story (
). I am also here if you would like to talk. I can even be mildly amusing sometimes. All these people just want to help. How cool is that?
Not to wax on to long, but I do have a quote that makes me feel better when I'm down...
...“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”