The Slow Decline

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Zansi'Vara
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The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Tue Feb 21, 2017 9:45 am

Rent is going up. I don't know how much it matters right this second since I don't have a job, but it is. I'm terrified of getting another job. I'm honestly, truly terrified to even try anymore because every job so far has made my anxiety and depression go up to 11 after any more than a few weeks. All I want is a little hobbit hole in the middle of nowhere with some rabbits and some chickens. I don't want to live like this, but I know I can't stop living. I want to so badly, but I know I can't. Gods, it feels like my mind is tearing itself apart over that single dichotomy and I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to survive anymore. I feel like I'm running on empty, and I haven't seen a gas station in years. I've clung so desperately for so long to this world, because I can see the life that I want, but every day that passes makes that life look further and further away.

I feel as if I'm approaching the event horizon of a black hole, watching everything behind me and ahead of me converge into a ring in my vision. Gradually, the image shrinks into itself, growing ever-smaller until, with an anti-climactic dimming, the light would disappear leaving...nothing. Me, I suppose. Just me. Perhaps it is a glimpse into my future, wherein I have inserted my mind into a computer and survived the end of the world, and eventually the end of the galaxy/universe, wherein I am finally lost to time and space in a black hole. Do I want that ending? It would be and interesting way to die, far more so than the standard pills, noose, or bullet. Though no one would be left to know it was epic. No one would be left to remember it.

Oh well, I hate most people anyway. Fuck do I wanna die, though. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about that business. I'm supposed to go meet some people at some kind of psychiatric center for "Medication Assessment" or some such. I told the doctor that I wasn't really looking to get on medication, because I'm worried that the chemical changes they would cause in my brain might destabilize me and cause me to lose my willpower, which has thus far been quite strong. I don't want to hurt myself, but I know full-well that I am capable of it if I am in a bad enough mindset. Still, they're supposed to have some sort of test, so we'll see what happens.

I'm just so tired of the fight. So tired of the struggle, and I feel so ready to give into the consensus that life is just that way for everyone. That's the real reason I want to kill myself, because no matter which way I look, no matter who I ask, everyone is struggling. I'm not upset because my situation is common, I'm upset because it demonstrates to me that there is almost no way out of the system which keeps us all wrapped up like a boa, crushing tighter the harder we try to escape it. I don't know how much more strength I have, and I know I can't live another 30-50 years like this just in order to save enough money to retire and find myself too old and feeble to do what I wanted to do from the very beginning. I don't want to find myself at the end of my life with my adolescent goals still perpetually suspended in my future.

I just want to live a life that doesn't make me want to kill myself every morning that I force my head from my pillow and every night that it touches against it once more. I hate this life. I hate myself. I just want everything to stop moving forward so I can take it all in for a bit, but I will never get to stop. I will only ever get swept up in the waters of change and pushed along, forced to watch my few happy memories drift towards the unreliable parts of my memory until all I remember is snippets of joy amongst the sorrow.

I don't even know why I'm putting this here, but it's nearing on 2 in the morning and I'm wide awake because my pillow only brought thoughts of depression about past relationships and anxiety about money. My mind feels like it's nearing the end of a slow decline that I've been on for years now.

I just wish I could make every day stop hurting so much to live through.

I just want it all to stop.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby ink » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:08 pm

i struggle.. and often. ask around ninja lol. but im not afraid. that over-shadowing fear could be whats ushering you towards this black hole... ive seen it drive many to do strange things.




*here is something i do, step outside and take a walk.. enjoy some sunlight and nature maybe, hold the door open for someone at the store, smile at someone having a rough go, do something for someone else without expecting something in return, essentially, willfully/forcefully break myself out of that mind frame by focusing my efforts outside of myself. taking some time to appreciate some of the little things that i see myself a bit more fortunate than the next man. that gratitude. misery is addictive, but if your will is strong, you can break this downward spiral and change your perspective. lastly, there is an ingredient that i incorporate into all of this, but it might not be the one your looking for....
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:19 pm

ink wrote:i struggle.. and often. ask around ninja lol. but im not afraid. that over-shadowing fear could be whats ushering you towards this black hole... ive seen it drive many to do strange things.




*here is something i do, step outside and take a walk.. enjoy some sunlight and nature maybe, hold the door open for someone at the store, smile at someone having a rough go, do something for someone else without expecting something in return, essentially, willfully/forcefully break myself out of that mind frame by focusing my efforts outside of myself. taking some time to appreciate some of the little things that i see myself a bit more fortunate than the next man. that gratitude. misery is addictive, but if your will is strong, you can break this downward spiral and change your perspective. lastly, there is an ingredient that i incorporate into all of this, but it might not be the one your looking for....


I know misery can be addictive. It's been an addiction I've been fighting against for...probably almost a decade. I try not to allow too many leaks of it to prevent myself from reveling in my misery, but sometimes I feel like the words in my head won't straighten themselves out on their own. Like, I have dozens of conflicting thoughts at once, each pulling me in a different emotional direction. The most powerful of them seem to be apathy, anxiety, and self-deprecation. Not sure how to work myself out of those 3 main emotions yet. I think that's probably my first order of business in general. :/
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby NaranjaRa » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:26 am

you know what helps me? being reminded that *our* thoughts are more powerful than anything else in this reality. that we can shape ourselves and our surroundings. we can change the patterns our brains succumb to. we can choose. we can decide. this here...this all around us...is a joke compared to what we really are and capable of. i know this might sound goofy, but i watch a lot of documentaries on quantum physics, the nature of reality itself, theories about what consciousness is...subjects along those lines. being reminded about what we are actually made of, how our perceptions work, and how it relates to matter itself helps me spin back out of those holes.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:18 am

I try to keep my perspective, but I guess I just feel so stuck. All I want is a simple life, a sustainable life, a quiet life, but I feel as if it will never be within my reach before I die. Like no matter how long or hard I work it will always be outside my grasp as property prices rise even more dramatically than they already have. It doesn't help that in WA where I live, most parcels land you find for sale are either subdivided into oblivion in preparation for cookie-cutter neighborhoods, or have been logged out for the extra cash before they listed it as realty.

I can see in my mind's eye a doorway that I'm peering out of, staring ahead of me into the small cleared area which holds my animal pens, my greenhouse, and my garden. Past that, I see the woods of Washington, old and sturdy, Evergreens towering overhead, and a path which leads downwards towards a small stream or river. Some source of water, I can hear it flowing and see the light tinkle off its surface through the trees. I want that life. I want to spend my days raising my animals, growing our food, reading, writing, and studying everything I could get my hands on, from philosophy to physics. I just want to live by my own two hands, not on the scraps offered to me by whatever employer has decided to hire me this year. I want to build my home and live in a place where I can feel truly free of the bindings of this life.

It's the only life I've ever thought of that I can imagine ending truly happily. Fulfilled.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby NaranjaRa » Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:01 am

"All I want is a simple life, a sustainable life, a quiet life, but I feel as if it will never be within my reach before I die. Like no matter how long or hard I work it will always be outside my grasp as property prices rise even more dramatically than they already have."


how do you know? if you convince yourself over and over again that you will *never* get there, then you're already setting yourself up to *never* get there. it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy.

remember what i was saying about the power We have to shape our reality. there is no TRY. just DO. we need to recognize our obstacles and concentrate our energy and free time pushing ourselves through those things holding us back. in the meantime, to keep ourselves sane, keep perspective by using ink's suggestions to step outside of ourselves and invest energy in another person or cause.

we are not separate. we all know this system is wrong. that it denies us our humanity. it is meant to keep us in a downward motion. don't let them win. keep that vision of where you want to be, but don't turn yourself away from it before you've even had time to get there. we're all working on a way out. keep strong love.

we can get there....
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:39 am

NaranjaRa wrote:how do you know? if you convince yourself over and over again that you will *never* get there, then you're already setting yourself up to *never* get there. it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy.

remember what i was saying about the power We have to shape our reality. there is no TRY. just DO. we need to recognize our obstacles and concentrate our energy and free time pushing ourselves through those things holding us back. in the meantime, to keep ourselves sane, keep perspective by using ink's suggestions to step outside of ourselves and invest energy in another person or cause.

we are not separate. we all know this system is wrong. that it denies us our humanity. it is meant to keep us in a downward motion. don't let them win. keep that vision of where you want to be, but don't turn yourself away from it before you've even had time to get there. we're all working on a way out. keep strong love.

we can get there....


I know...I'm trying to keep strong and believe that it's possible. It's so simple that it seems like it would be easy to achieve, but every time I start moving in that direction it seems like dozens of roadblocks pop up in my way. I'm just so tired of the fight. It feels like I'm trapped in a war of attrition; Like for every blow I give, I take one as well, and eventually no matter how strong I am, there won't be enough of me left to give anymore. I've always had a more pessimistic than optimistic view of the world, I suppose, but I do feel like it's well justified at this point.

But I want to get there. I don't believe in life after death, or reincarnation, or any such thing. I believe that when I die, I will return to the non-existence I experienced for the billions of years leading up to my birth. My neurons will stop firing, brain activity will cease, and the person I once was will vanish from the world, leaving only what I have created and the emotional impact I have had on peoples' lives. I don't want to die, but I want time to stop. I feel like I've been tripping and stumbling and falling behind everyone my entire life. I've never been able to keep up. I've never had enough time to make everything work how it's supposed to, so I failed and skipped out on responsibilities because I never felt like my plate was big enough to support all of it. Now that I'm out on my own, I feel even more like I can't support everything. Like I never have enough time.

I just want it all to stop for once.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby NaranjaRa » Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:57 pm

no, you're right. it *sounds* simple. but i know it's not. i also am aware just saying these things to you, sharing my perspective in regards to what brings me out of tailspins....well, it's all just words, really. i relate so deeply and want to reach out beyond the standard platitudes that people toss out when a friend is hurting. we're ninjas. we're more than that. i want you to keep writing it out, keep sharing the load at the very least, here in a space where you know people are here for you even if not in an immediate physical sense.

i'm an empath. so i tend to be able to get where people's emotions are even without them telling me in words. empaths are good listeners.

i'm listening, love. and you can pm me any time you feel like it.
even if you just wanna gab about the Magicians a bit more /nod <3
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Feydakin » Fri Feb 24, 2017 7:26 pm

You aren't alone... What I do that helps me, though your mileage may vary; Get back to nature. I always feel more grounded and at peace when I get down to bare feet and spend a few days and nights living off the land. Heck even a walk in the woods is enough to recharge me many times. We ALL go through these things to varying degrees, and yes it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel sometimes (I am very much going through this right now), bit the light is there, and you just have to fight with yourself constantly, but gently, every time you start feeling hopeless and helpless...
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:23 am

I appreciate your support, all of you. It's not even so much that I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that I feel so tired that I'm slowing to a halt. I feel like I'm staring ahead at the pinprick of light in the distance and wondering if it's worth it to keep slogging on. I know I have to...it's like there's a second personality I've created in my head. It's a character I made up a long time ago who embodies a lot of the extreme emotions I feel, but revels in them. Thrives off of them. Essentially, my own consciousness, no matter how much it wants to give up, is restricted from doing so by a piece which refuses to die. A piece which has already asserted that it will live forever, and that I will not stand in its way. So, no matter how horrible I feel, I have to keep moving forward. Unfortunately, it only seems to help stop me from outright killing myself, it doesn't lift a finger to help me figure out how to work a normal job and make money to survive. That's what really fucks me up. Still trying to find a job that doesn't make my anxiety and depression go off the rails. @_@
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:47 am

I feel like I need to recluse. To back out of everything, any sort of relationship, all the D&D games I play, any sort of job interacting with people in any way. I don't know how to get over this weird, horrible anxiety that I feel. I don't know if I can blame past relationships, my emotionally manipulative first girlfriend who I was with off-and-on for most of my young adult life? Or maybe my last girlfriend, about three and a half years ago, who I fell for harder than I thought possible. When I held her hand, it felt like puzzle pieces fitting together. When I kissed her lips for the first time on a bench by a pond, it felt like my cares were being drained away. When I slept with her for the first time, her first time at that, and I asked her if she was sure, and if she was sure that she was sure, and I still remember the sound of her giggle as she nodded and kissed me. I remember the last time she came to my house. I remember her getting into her car to drive home, and I remember kissing her and telling her that I loved her so much. And she said she loved me, too. I really thought that maybe I had found some retribution. Some new lease on life, and a person to walk the path with me. A companion.

But then she went to college and I stayed here, and she didn't even want to give it a chance. I just told her I understood. I didn't know what else to say. She said she wanted to go, and I just said okay. I guess I didn't have any fight left in me by then, and I respected her more than anyone I had ever met. I trusted her intrinsically, from the moment I sat beside her on that grassy August day, and I knew even from our short time together that she was brilliant and full of conviction. I knew that if she was making this decision, she was doing so with the certainty of many hours of reasoning, and words would not sway her.

So I let her go, and after that, she never spoke to me in the same way again. Her messages were hollow. Mechanical. She spoke as if I was a friend of a friend, someone she barely knew. Eventually, her responses got shorter. Then they stopped altogether. Soon after that, I got the message, and I gave up trying to talk to her. She remained my friend on Facebook, and is to this day, but I have hidden all her posts. Even now, three and a half years later, it still stings to see her. To miss her. I don't understand how a 7 week relationship can entrance my mind for three and a half years of my life. I don't know how to figure out what is giving me so much anxiety, but tangled up somewhere in my fucking tire fire of a love life I'm sure I could find some answers.

Ugh, and it doesn't help that I am now officially broke, and I don't know what I'm going to do because my car STILL isn't fucking working and I am having the HARDEST time getting my shitty roommate off his ass to help me fix it. I find myself back at a point in my life where I say to myself at LEAST twice a day, "I'm just gonna kill myself." I don't even know why I say it, because I know I'm not, but the thought is there, and it feels like instinct to say it. I just hate being a part of this world. I hate nearly everything about it. I just want to live in a hut in the woods and grow food and raise animals and not deal with people anymore. I don't know how else I can get to a place where I can feel happy again.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:49 am

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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby DJ_Darkside » Fri Mar 10, 2017 1:00 am

I am sorry to hear this. You are so full of life yourself and I wish I could be there to materialistically help. I remember saying to myself sometimes " Oh if someone would just give me twenty bucks I'd make that pack of cigs last a week and have some bread and butter to eat". However there was no one. Once I resorted to some pretty illegal things but let's not go there. I know how it is all too well and everyone posting here has touched on some very helpful ways to get through it. One thing I can do though is give you some insight on your car troubles! If you are trying to trouble shoot give me some details and I'll do my best. Maybe even direct you to some instructional videos.

One thing that really got me through the toughest of times was knowing that this too shall pass. You made it this far right? I can tell you with 100% certainty that it will not always be this way. You'll be on top again. One day at a time my friend.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Fri Mar 10, 2017 9:29 am

DJ_Darkside wrote:I am sorry to hear this. You are so full of life yourself and I wish I could be there to materialistically help. I remember saying to myself sometimes " Oh if someone would just give me twenty bucks I'd make that pack of cigs last a week and have some bread and butter to eat". However there was no one. Once I resorted to some pretty illegal things but let's not go there. I know how it is all too well and everyone posting here has touched on some very helpful ways to get through it. One thing I can do though is give you some insight on your car troubles! If you are trying to trouble shoot give me some details and I'll do my best. Maybe even direct you to some instructional videos.

One thing that really got me through the toughest of times was knowing that this too shall pass. You made it this far right? I can tell you with 100% certainty that it will not always be this way. You'll be on top again. One day at a time my friend.


I know it will pass. It has passed in the past, but then it cycled back again. I just don't want to feel the stress anymore. The frustration and anxiety.

As far as the car stands, it seems to be an intermittent grounding issue with the fuel pump. I'm assuming it's a grounding issue, at least. I know it's electrical in nature from how intermittent it's been. Essentially, I turn the key to on, everything turns on, but the fuel pump won't prime, so the car won't start. It will crank perfectly healthily, turn over and over and over and not catch because it's getting no gas. That's my only problem, fuel pump not turning on. I've replaced the pump 3 times, the relay twice, the signal wire that connects them twice, and most recently the whole plug at the fuel pump end. Each time the "solution" has worked for a few days or a week at most, then the fuel pump would stop again. That's where I'm at. All the grounding connections seem solid and clean of corrosion, so I don't think that's it. The only idea I have left is to disconnect the ground wire on the fuel pump side and try to connect it to a ground bolt that the previous owner added in the trunk for a subwoofer. I figure, a ground is a ground, and if there's a short in the ground wire somewhere further up in the car, that should solve the problem, no?
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby DJ_Darkside » Sat Mar 11, 2017 5:36 pm

what make and model of car? Have you checked the specific fuse for that fuel pump? Could actually be the EGM depending on the car.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:50 pm

It's a 1997 Subaru Legacy GT. And yeah, I've checked all the fuses thrice-over, along with the relay. EGM?
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Phara » Mon Mar 13, 2017 5:29 pm

//pending... so many words and i'm in the middle of austin, but i want to make sure i tag in here. this thread deserves attention.

you're not alone zansi
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby DJ_Darkside » Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:11 am

Zansi'Vara wrote:It's a 1997 Subaru Legacy GT. And yeah, I've checked all the fuses thrice-over, along with the relay. EGM?


Sorry, EGR. Exhaust Gas Recirculation. If you disconnect the fuel line at the pump are you getting any fuel spitting out? If you have a fuel filter I would suggest cleaning it out as well just to be sure... fuel pumps are expensive.... How do you know the pump is not priming? I think you're going in the right direction with trying out the grounds but from what I'm reading I think it is the pump itself if it's not priming, make sure you listen hard to be absolutely certain.... you would have noticed a steady decline if it was just the ground corroding. Last piece of advice I can give you is inspect the fuel lines to make sure there is not a pin hole or any loss of pressure somewhere. You should be getting anywhere from 500 to 800 PSI while running I believe. If you have a scanner it's easy to check this... if not... it's kinda complicated...
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:43 am

DJ_Darkside wrote:Sorry, EGR. Exhaust Gas Recirculation. If you disconnect the fuel line at the pump are you getting any fuel spitting out? If you have a fuel filter I would suggest cleaning it out as well just to be sure... fuel pumps are expensive.... How do you know the pump is not priming? I think you're going in the right direction with trying out the grounds but from what I'm reading I think it is the pump itself if it's not priming, make sure you listen hard to be absolutely certain.... you would have noticed a steady decline if it was just the ground corroding. Last piece of advice I can give you is inspect the fuel lines to make sure there is not a pin hole or any loss of pressure somewhere. You should be getting anywhere from 500 to 800 PSI while running I believe. If you have a scanner it's easy to check this... if not... it's kinda complicated...


No no, I know that the fuel pump itself is not running. I have the cover plate off so the top of the housing with the hoses and plug are exposed, and the seatback down, so I can hear when the fuel pump starts when I turn the key to "On". If the fuel pump fires up, a high-pitched whine begins as the motor inside the housing begins to whirr. At this point I am intimately familiar with that whirr. If I don't hear that whirr, it means the fuel pump hasn't turned on, which means that the car cannot start because it will not be pumping gas from the tank to the engine. I know that sound is the pump motor because if I hear that sound, the car starts; If I don't hear the sound, the car won't start.

Previous things I have done to fix this are:
Replace the Fuel Pump Relay
Replace the Fuel Filter
Replace the Fuel Pump
Replace the Signal Wire which connects the Relay to the Pump
Replace the Battery
Replace the Upstream O2 Sensor
Replace the Mass Airflow Sensor
Replace the Fuel Tank (due to getting a cut gouged into the bottom of the old one)
Replace Two of the Three Hoses on the Fuel Tank Housing
Replace the Spark Plugs, Plug Wires, and Ignition Coil
Replace the Fuel Pump again with new Filter as well this time
Replace the Fuel Pump Housing
Replace the Plug which sockets into the Fuel Pump Housing

Next conceivable step is to try connecting the ground wire from the fuel pump plug to a ground connection that the previous owner made in the trunk of the car. I'm thinking, maybe it's intermittent because the ground wire is broken somewhere further down in the car, so it works sometimes and shorts others. I mean, I suppose it's possible that it's a fuel pressure leak, but if it is, I can't find it. I'm not sure what you mean by "Scanner", but the best I've got is an OBD2 reader, which I don't believe checks fuel pressure. It might, I'd have to check.
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby DJ_Darkside » Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:44 am

yah but not just a simple OBD2 reader. Something that you can go into the engine data and read what the outputs are. Replacing the fuel tank could be where the problem is at. I'm not sure how yours is hooked up but there is a very important ground on the top that would mess with the fuel stream. Wow though, this is really a problem where I would have to be physically there to check out. It sounds like you've eliminated most things that I would suggest you do. Get a test light and see where you are getting power from each of the plugs. Then you can reverse it and see where you are getting a ground. Follow that where the connections are working then you can at least get an idea of where exactly the problem is. If you provide your own power to the pump (using a battery and jumper cables) does it work?

Intermittent problems are the worst. Every garage's nightmare. I think you are going in the right direction as it seems that is the only thing left that could be a problem and grounds are always so finicky. Best of luck! Sorry I can't be any more of a help....
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ALL HAIL LIEUTENANT DOCTOR COOLCHUNKIA ESQUIRE THE THIRD JR.!!! Lest she blow chunks of cool up yo asssss!!!
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/anna hack! :kiss:
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Zansi'Vara
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:18 am

DJ_Darkside wrote:yah but not just a simple OBD2 reader. Something that you can go into the engine data and read what the outputs are. Replacing the fuel tank could be where the problem is at. I'm not sure how yours is hooked up but there is a very important ground on the top that would mess with the fuel stream. Wow though, this is really a problem where I would have to be physically there to check out. It sounds like you've eliminated most things that I would suggest you do. Get a test light and see where you are getting power from each of the plugs. Then you can reverse it and see where you are getting a ground. Follow that where the connections are working then you can at least get an idea of where exactly the problem is. If you provide your own power to the pump (using a battery and jumper cables) does it work?

Intermittent problems are the worst. Every garage's nightmare. I think you are going in the right direction as it seems that is the only thing left that could be a problem and grounds are always so finicky. Best of luck! Sorry I can't be any more of a help....


It's okay, I don't expect it to be solved over the internet unless someone has had the EXACT same problem with the EXACT same car, and even the solution might be a dud. And yes, providing power to the pump with a 12V battery causes it to start, so I know the pump is good. It's also a brand new pump, less than a month old.

In other news, I have less than 2 weeks to figure out how I'm going to come up with around $500 or I'm going to have to explain to my housemates that I'm moving out because I'm broke, causing all of their rent to go up even more unless they found someone to replace me.
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DJ_Darkside
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby DJ_Darkside » Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:01 pm

Zansi'Vara wrote:In other news, I have less than 2 weeks to figure out how I'm going to come up with around $500 or I'm going to have to explain to my housemates that I'm moving out because I'm broke, causing all of their rent to go up even more unless they found someone to replace me.


I am in the same boat dude... just lost my newest job today because they "Just can't justify having a mechanic work without a driver's license" I'm fucked....
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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. Kurt Cobain
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Spoiler: show
ALL HAIL LIEUTENANT DOCTOR COOLCHUNKIA ESQUIRE THE THIRD JR.!!! Lest she blow chunks of cool up yo asssss!!!
Image
/anna hack! :kiss:
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Zansi'Vara
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Posts: 606
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Location: USA

Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:30 pm

DJ_Darkside wrote:I am in the same boat dude... just lost my newest job today because they "Just can't justify having a mechanic work without a driver's license" I'm fucked....


Fuck, man. I hate this. I can't survive in a world like this. It's this kinda shit that makes me wish I just die of a massive heart attack in my sleep one of these days. I could never take my own life, but fuck do I wish it would be taken from me.
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NaranjaRa
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby NaranjaRa » Thu Mar 16, 2017 1:18 am

:( wow ^^ that sucks

not sure if you've read it, but this was a thread with good advice as well: viewtopic.php?f=40&t=2614
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Zansi'Vara
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Re: The Slow Decline

Postby Zansi'Vara » Thu Mar 16, 2017 5:28 am

NaranjaRa wrote::( wow ^^ that sucks

not sure if you've read it, but this was a thread with good advice as well: viewtopic.php?f=40&t=2614


Yeah, I've read it. Doesn't help a lot when being alive just feels awful. At best I would like to be an android, though I fear that mapping my brain and transferring my consciousness might yield a similar personality matrix as Marvin from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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