Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

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Phara
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Postby Phara » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:33 pm

Yes. I'll write more later but my parents were a bit looney tunes with the bullshit. But not as nuts as quite a few other Egyptians.

Did it affect me, immensely. Mostly for the worse to be honest with you, but there were definitely a few things that worked.

They obviously came from something even tougher and probably considered themselves super progressive.

It was an odd clash.




//discuss
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Postby Gwenno » Fri Apr 08, 2016 6:17 pm

//pending
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Postby Rwn » Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:32 am

I work at a Christian University. Every single day I see these kids grow and try to cope with the real world.

I'll post more on this once I gather my thoughts some.

Okay finally getting around to this...

While growing up I didn't have a very strict upbringing... Once I turned 13 or so my parents pretty much let me make my own decisions and begin to live my life. So I can't say too much on this subject when it comes to my personal life. But I have made some amazing observations in the current job.

So as I said I work for a Christian University. Half of the students here were home schooled their entire life, another 40 percent went to private Christian school their entire lives and the slim minority lived a pretty normal life. Now as you would expect those that were home schooled came from the strictest upbringing normally, the private schooled kids had a little but more freedom and then public school kids led on average slightly more strict than most lives.

So what I've observed so far.

Home schooled kids.
They have no idea what the real world is, they have grown up their entire lives being the center of attention and believing that they are above everyone. About 30% tend to get kicked out within two years of attending school here. They've never been forced to have an independent thought of their own, never had to learn to actually deal with people. Just talking to them can be a chore. I've seen them snap once they realize they are free (at work and from other places). Turning to drugs, becoming alcoholics and generally becoming the scum of the earth simply because their upbringing in no way taught them how to live when they didn't have someone dictating their entire lives.

These people normally have a reawakening 5 to 10 years later and become those born again Christians you hear about.

The ones that went to private school tend to fare much better. They've actually had interactions with other people for atleast the high-school part of their life. They can occasionally come up with an intelligent independent thought and know how to coexist with other people. Only about 10% of these kids get kicked out. I've not often seen many of these guys lose their shit once the freedoms of being an adult hits them, it does happen but it's not normally so drastic.

Now the kids that led normally school lives up until now. These kids are mostly here because they got a scholarship or some odd reason. I love these guys honestly they are great kids but almost never graduate from here. They tend to leave in less than 2 years once they realize this place is insane.


Basically what I'm saying is from my observations is that you want to be strict with a kid up until around 10, then you start to wean them off the teat. As they get older give them freedoms so they can learn to deal with the real world.
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AliceElite
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Postby AliceElite » Mon Apr 11, 2016 3:55 pm

I did not have a strict upbringing - I was sort of left to my own devices, it's own sort of badness tbh - but I am always looking for more information about children's experiences.

*pulls up chair*
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Fri Apr 15, 2016 11:32 am

bump, answer pendings, i want to post in here, interesting topic
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LeTronique
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Postby LeTronique » Mon Apr 18, 2016 12:41 am

My mother is a Nigerian liberal... which is basically an American Republican. It blows my mind how such an accomplished woman could be so damn narrow minded. Even today, I still live my life in secret under a kinda shield of lies because I'm just too damn liberal with my views, even though I'm really a centrist.
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Postby Rwn » Sat Apr 23, 2016 12:34 pm

Finally updated although it's all just observations from work
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cerrodepedro
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Postby cerrodepedro » Sat Apr 23, 2016 4:00 pm

AliceElite wrote:I did not have a strict upbringing - I was sort of left to my own devices, it's own sort of badness tbh - but I am always looking for more information about children's experiences.

*pulls up chair*


I think I'm in a similar boat. The whole Mormon thing meant there wasn't much need for in-home indoctrination, as the three hours a week of brainwashing and spiritual abuse kept me with a nice little permanent guilt complex. What I craved was structure and consistency. My mother was and is prone to treat me more based on her mood than by virtue of what boundaries are set and my own behavior. She's been through horrible things, so horrible I can't hold this against her, but that doesn't mean I don't get to protect myself.

... more thoughts later
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Postby Gwenno » Sun Oct 02, 2016 11:59 am

Compared to other people my age, especially where I live now (Arnhem) my upbringing was strict.
I come from a small city, Vlissingen in the Netherlands. I see it more like old fashioned upbringing. I learned at a very young age that I needed to be polite to everyone. in my opinion that's not a bad thing. My parents weren't strict Christians, for that I am thankful. I did attend one Catholic and 2 Christian schools. When I got older ( teens) I did lash out, I skipped school on a very regular base, I did my third year in middle school (Junior high I think?) twice, because my grades were horrible and I did some drugs and alcohol. For where I lived then and the people surrounding me then, I was badass, from where I am now, it was a very mellow out lashing. When I finally left the nest at 22 (I was looking for my own place for 3 years back then, but there were just no places in Vlissingen and surroundings) I went nuts. I came here to Arnhem to go back to school, I lived on my own and I went overboard. First I was all about school and got a burn out. I had to take a break and got a job and then I was on my own, with my own money and no one looking over my shoulder, checking at what time I got home, who I was with, I was single, ect. But I have to say; I'm cool with how my parents tried to raise me, if we were living in Aruba (where my dad came from) my upbringing would have been way stricter.

With raising our own child, we are as well, stricter then most other parents, we try to teach him how to be polite, but we don't give him hell when he forgets. We try to teach him values and morals and such, and just try to make sure he won't become an ass hole. But in how we do that, we seem to be way more strict then others.
//will add more later
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby ghostdogg » Sun Oct 02, 2016 2:33 pm

Effect: knowing the difference in sound between wood and metal.
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby Manhal » Thu Oct 06, 2016 1:53 am

The effect, on me, was discipline. First child, early 80's Ontario, just my immediate family. It was difficult to navigate once I got older, let's say, 10-12. I started to understand more that I was culturally much more different than the people around me. It becomes lonely. No Christmas. No pork. No girls. No parties. Lots of Arabic school, since my mom taught there.

It was easier for my younger sibs. For me, highschool was hardest. Parents struggling to keep their Muslim kids safe and aware. I struggled with the identity. But I'm glad my parents were strict, mostly for my ethics.

I think it was hardest on my youngest brother, because the world had changed so much from when even I went to highschool compared to him (5 years apart). When your parent is a teacher, that a different kind of strict.

Now, with my niece and nephew, my sis is raising them much more differently. She is giving them much more space to grow in. This means sometimes they are little pains, like when they push over a picture frame and laugh. As an uncle, she doesn't want me to say anything negative, and she is very sensitive about it. So, I'm learning by proxy also, what I think works and what doesn't. I think being a parent gives you a completely new perspective. Plus I'm scared of my sister.
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby ink » Thu Oct 06, 2016 2:47 am

haha proxy learning.. i can relate
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby Skywalker » Thu Oct 06, 2016 4:53 am

I am not sure if I had a strict upbringing or not..

When I was younger, my parents made sure I was safe, fed, and clothed. My and my brother and sister voice mattered in our house to a point. If we confessed that we did something wrong, then nothing would happen, but if we lied about it. Get the belt.. cause your ass was going to be on fire. I did learn at a young age if I cried a little... and went, "Daddy. I'll never do it again, I promise.. " got me out of a lot of trouble. Generally,we grew up being able to talk to our parents about our problems and troubles, even it involved the other parent.

My parents also expected for us to act properly in public, if not, then we were ever so quietly told our backside was going to hurt. It did not ever happen all that often, if ever. We only went out to eat if it was a very special occasion when I was in elementary school, even places like McDs was a treat. By the time I was older I knew how to properly act in public, for that I do thank my parents.

When I was in middle school, my parents allowed me to choose to go to church or not. As my mom explained it was not their place to force me to do something I did not want to do, especially when it came to religion. Granted I went, just because they went to places like Six Flags, but I always sat in the back reading my sci-fi books, and the Captian never minded one damn bit. I also attended the Salvation Army, which in itself has its own laws and what have you.

When I was in high school, I never had a curfew, I never had any real restrictions placed on me. I also never took advantage of it either. There was no reason to.

My parents allowed me to make a lot of choices in my life, like dropping out after I turned 16 but then decided to go back the next school year... I saw the disappointment on their faces, but I still did it. I also made the choice to go back, I graduated with a 4.0 and enough credits for 2 diplomas (cause I had to do an extra year).

Is effects of this type of upbringing, since I am not sure if it was strict in the sense that I had no idea how the world worked. I knew how the world worked, and I still know (I hope).
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby Feydakin » Fri Oct 07, 2016 11:34 pm

Not so much. I had a sporadically strict upbringing... My fathers family is strict Catholic, and it was for a while until my parents split. Then it was just my mother and she couldn't be there enough to really BE as strict as she probably wanted to be, so over time it became less strict. Then she started dating a Jehovah's Witness. I thought Catholics were bad. JWs don't let you do ANYTHING. No holidays, no birthdays, nothing. Had to read their damned indoctrination literature daily with my brother, etc... it was asinine. My brother and I couldn't even play with fake fake weapons. This was the later 1970s and early 1980s so none of this alt-left, SJW horseshit existed, this was purely church doctrine. She finally kicked that asshat to the curb when he attacked her after getting shitfaced and she got a restraining order. Love the church, in all it's many forms... anyhow. Then she married a local police lieutenant. He wasn't particularly strict, and wasn't particularly interested in being a father either. He loved being a pedophile though, so there's that... Through all of this, to be honest, my brother and I were mostly raised by my mothers mother. Not that our mother wasn't there necessarily, just that my grandmother was a better parent, I guess? She was the kind of person that wasn't strict, but you did right by her just because you didn't want to disappoint her... you know, a real role model, what every parent should aspire to.
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby ink » Sat Oct 08, 2016 5:28 am

:yikes: bro

all that trauma..

bold of you to share man, mad respect for that
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby Feydakin » Sat Oct 08, 2016 10:53 pm

I've brought some of my past up before here. It's not something that I necessarily hide or anything, and I'll share if I feel like it adds to a conversation. I'm not overly sensitive about it, and think that it's much better to get it all out there and deal with it rather than retreat to some imaginary safe space. That does nothing but perpetuate the pain and perpetual victim mentality that pervades America today. Perhaps a subject for another place, but I wanted to make sure people knew where it was coming from...
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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby ink » Sun Oct 09, 2016 4:00 am

word, i feel that. i think its clear


just checking out some of the rare, real talk /bigsmile
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Re: Come from a Strict Upbringing? Effect?

Postby Corgimom » Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:15 am

Strict? I suppose so. I was certainly taught to be seen and not heard. Manners Manners Manners- act like a lady I knew what size switch to pick off what hedge when I was told to but there was no sense of abuse until I was 9 or 10.
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