Empaths and Emotional Vampires

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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 12:21 am

//back to emotional vampires. Satanic Bible thread to come up. Darkside that's all you.
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Azealdread
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Postby Azealdread » Thu Apr 14, 2016 1:56 am

I think most of my life was spent listening to people, hearing their problems and offering advice even though i was the silent type. People would come to me and toss all their stuff at me like i was a coat rack and i could take it quite well honestly then. It got to a point where strangers would come to me with recommendations from my own freinds saying. "So and so said you are really easy to talk to, i have been going through alot could i chat with you for a bit?" I would always say sure and either help them calm down or realize where something went wrong. With all that i never thought to call my self an empath, rather i went with problem solver, or listener.

In the last few years i closed that door just a bit and stopped wanting to hear their problems, i have become far more guarded with my time. I suppose selfish is a word for it, but i did just remove myself from everyones life for close to 4 years. This in my personal opinon has had an odd effect on me, while i can read people in person amazingly well, offering them help with their problems is something i can not seem to bring my self to do. Or even care. Perhaps i shut that part of me off years ago to protect my self or perhaps i never really cared about anyone or anything. o.O

blowing my own mind here i need a moment to reflect on things.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:05 am

[9:57:11 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): This thread on here.
[9:57:59 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): it made me reflect on my self and shit like the post I put down made me realize the person I have or am becoming.
[9:58:17 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): Ya'll messing with my head on these post XD
[10:00:48 PM] Phara: i love that threads here and discussions reveal things about self.
[10:00:57 PM] Phara: I've been going through massive internal reflection since evolution came up
[10:01:02 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): http://ninjaevolution.net/forums/viewtopic.php?id=605
[10:01:07 PM] Phara: oh that one is very intense
[10:01:09 PM] Phara: indeed
[10:01:09 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): That thread I think you made it.
[10:01:12 PM] Phara: yep
[10:01:16 PM] Cecil (Azealsai): like my post blew my own mind
[10:01:20 PM] Phara: reading
[10:02:49 PM] Phara: word
[10:02:49 PM] Phara: i see
[10:02:53 PM] Phara: you just realized you were an empath
[10:02:59 PM] Phara: its a moment
[10:03:06 PM] Phara: when you're like.. oh fuck , there's a word for this
[10:03:09 PM] Phara: you sense emotions
[10:03:18 PM] Phara: it drains the fuck out of you babe, that's why you started pulling away
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Candeeoke
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Postby Candeeoke » Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:15 am

I'm definitely an empath and wish I could reflect people better instead of sponging it up like Anna mentioned. I've noticed that although I've been vampired by a few people, vampires tend to stay away from me now. I think that more sophisticated vampires recognize that I see through their BS because I am actually FEELING the BS they are trying to spew. Once I started calling people on things people that I would consider acquaintances back off. No randoms are the main people that I have to deal with.

My mom was the biggest vampire and I cut her out years ago. I've had minimal contact with her over the last 15 years. She doesn't know her grandkids at all. It was the best decision I ever made. She just takes and takes and takes. I catch occasional stories about her from family members and she's not changed one bit. I read a book that talks about the emotional vampire types and they don't change - you have to accept them or get them out of your life.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:22 am

Interesting point about how they don't change. I never really thought of that. I always just assume evolution was something people did. but now that i look back on those that i called vampires... they never fuckin changed. You're totally right. They get used to this sense of entitlement. It's vile tbh.
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Zansi'Vara
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Postby Zansi'Vara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 2:44 am

You have to look at it from this perspective: These people have been using manipulation tactics for likely their whole lives. They probably learned it when they were very young, manipulating their parents, teachers, and peers, and every time they have used it since then it has continuously and reliably worked in their favor. If the method keeps working, what possible reason would they ever have to stop and consider changing to a different method? It never even crosses their minds, because manipulation is ingrained in their way of thinking.
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Candeeoke
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Postby Candeeoke » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:15 am

Phara wrote:Interesting point about how they don't change. I never really thought of that. I always just assume evolution was something people did. but now that i look back on those that i called vampires... they never fuckin changed. You're totally right. They get used to this sense of entitlement. It's vile tbh.



I think they *seem* to change. They do it just as a manipulation though. My Mom could fool people that she didn't have constant contact with for years. Then BOOM you got to see the real her and it all went to hell. It's the narcissistic quality in them that doesn't allow them to change. You have to admit you need to change in order to do it and they can't do that.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:29 am

Candee wrote:
Phara wrote:Interesting point about how they don't change. I never really thought of that. I always just assume evolution was something people did. but now that i look back on those that i called vampires... they never fuckin changed. You're totally right. They get used to this sense of entitlement. It's vile tbh.



I think they *seem* to change. They do it just as a manipulation though. My Mom could fool people that she didn't have constant contact with for years. Then BOOM you got to see the real her and it all went to hell. It's the narcissistic quality in them that doesn't allow them to change. You have to admit you need to change in order to do it and they can't do that.

friggin truth. well said. and yea zansi i see that too.
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ink
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Postby ink » Thu Apr 14, 2016 3:57 am

Phara wrote:Darkside, you seem to know quite a bit about it. A thread would be awesome. I'd love to see discussion on it. Defo. And I understand all sides. To be honest... I'm not a fan for the same reasons as Ink. But... I do respect how well quite a lot of it is written and one can find wisdom from many sources. Ink and I ... we have an odd spirituality, and it's not exactly the same and such... but both of us have seen insane shit. "miracles" and what not. I lean towards the two great laws of the new testament as my guide. God is Love. Treat your neighbor as you would want to be treated. I do think quite a ton of the S.B. is amazing. For instance the bit above is a fantastic read... but central to my ethos has to be a notion of trinity. not the usual. the idea of me, my community, and what we do... I hope that makes sense.

wow, that was quite eloquent yourself.. (bows)

i just came to show DJ, respect for his position and i am yet again, blown away







*is it odd that we all can exist on the internet, within the same space and still have opposing views...? i think not! 3vo
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:02 am

ink wrote:

*is it odd that we all can exist on the internet, within the same space and still have opposing views...? i think not! 3vo


:sun: <3 3vo
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cerrodepedro
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Postby cerrodepedro » Thu Apr 14, 2016 4:41 am

So I believe traits stemming from the epistemological concept of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (hereafter NPD) manifest in more people than we know, and those "more people" often include ourselves. I've learned to recognize that shit in myself.

You know what's difficult? When a narcissist discards all semblance of considering another person, the whole facade of being more empathetic than self-obsessed, and just reveals themself because the context in which they do it still leaves them at a social or interpersonal advantage. This happens a lot when a person who has felt, then expressed a lot of empathy, and could benefit from it themself. It's that moment when the empath asks for empathy that it's denied. In case you didn't notice, I'm speaking from personal experience.

Personal experiences aside, in the interest of being almost comically direct, and in the name of empathy (trying to understand "what in the world of a narcissist sucks so hard that it contributes to their narcissism?"), I went to Wikipedia and tracked down this roughly original source to outline some hypothesized roots for behavior the DSM 5 defines as that of a person with NPD, more focused on parenting, and picked out these from their list:

[list=*]
[*]Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem[/*]
[*]Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents[/*]
[*]Severe emotional abuse in childhood[/*]
[*]Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or talents by adults[/*]
[*]Learning manipulative behaviors from parents[/*]
[/list]

That first bit prompted me to sit up and pay attention. The whole using a child as a way of feeling better about oneself is pretty rampant in as much of my own culture and those closely related to mine as I've been able to perceive. Hell, even though I've evolved on OKCupid to mention my parenthood simply to filter out idiots, I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope my status as a parent didn't add to my appeal as a possible partner.

I like the work the APA has done to narrow what "narcissism" means at least in the practice of shrinkery. Granular points distinguishing its traits from that of shit like Borderline Personality Disorder I think do a lot of good in helping people take measures to treat their own problems and defend themselves against those either unable or unwilling to seek treatment.

From the same linked article, "People with narcissistic personality disorder demonstrate an apparently paradoxical combination of self-centeredness and worthlessness." This makes complete sense. Co parent has noticed these traits in me (though she's never said I'm a narcissist), but whenever we've had heated arguments where she's had enough emotional energy to do so, she calls me an asshole for not perceiving my own value and the things others, including her, have done to help me see that value.

I circle back to myself, because hell, we're discussing narcissism, right? It's all about self? Shrinker claims I'm an empath. Maybe that's true. Maybe the shrinker is just silly. I've found approaching the issue personally has happened in steps. I use the first person here, but where things have been sorted with narcissists (including co parent's ex who I still am super hung up on), these steps have also applied (heavy Cognitive Behavioral Therapy bias alert!):

  1. Identify myself as someone who at least has some manifested traits of NPD, and let loved ones know so they can either see organically created boundaries, or more deliberately set up new ones
  2. Determine the cognitive process behind narcisstic behaviors
  3. Train myself to cut that kind of thinking off, and find coping mechanisms that prevent me from manifesting their associated behaviors
  4. Track progress so that I improve, consequently positively affecting loved ones and other associates

An alternative way of looking at the problem is seeing that some people because they perceive a lack of worth or significance in themselves, but also in others and in sentient life at large, pursue empathy in this belief that it is a zero sum game. In reality, because people have been through so much similar shit, the feeling and expression and reception of empathy should be much freer, and certainly never done in a way beholden to a quid pro quo philosophy.

Once you detach from the belief that empathy is some scarce commodity, you can put up healthy boundaries between you and people still attached to that belief (narcissists), and curtail shitty behaviors in yourself rooted in the same.

Anyhow. Loves to all you folks. Blowies if needed/requested.
Once was lost and now am lost; was blind but now I smoke
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ink
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Postby ink » Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:14 am

hmmmm that is an interesting take... you definitely have the gears in my head turning. i think i want to follow your link just to gather more info on NPD because now im real curious..
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Feydakin
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Postby Feydakin » Thu Apr 14, 2016 9:54 pm

Empath here... one of the reasons that I looked towards Satanism back in the day, meaning the Satanism that Dark posted a ways back and has been a hot button discussion in this thread. While I don't actively practice this brand of Satanism anymore, I do find the things that it taught me to be helpful to this day... such as it is with every such "religion" I have delved into. I came away with something from each of them. I agree with Phara, it's a subject that deserves it's own thread.

Forgive my catching up... ;)
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NaranjaRa
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Re: Empaths and Emotional Vampires

Postby NaranjaRa » Sat Feb 04, 2017 4:30 am

//bump

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