Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

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ImmaculateStiletto
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Postby ImmaculateStiletto » Sun May 08, 2016 3:56 am

I remember when I was younger looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. Not because of my skin color, I've always loved my brown skin. What I hated about me was my body type. Crazy that at 6-7 years old I could look in the mirror and hate my body type. I always had a muscular type body (think Tina Turner, Angela Bassett, Regina King) and I felt different because the other girls who were thin, definitely didn't have my body type. Their thin and my thin were so completely different and I felt low about my thin. I wanted so bad to have their thin. Which when I look back on it, I probably had no clue what their thin vs my thin even meant. But whatever it did mean to me it was breaking me down as a young girl and it continued to break me down into my middle school days.

What got me to truly love myself was actually Tina Turner and Angela Bassett. When the movie What's Love Got to Do With It came out, I finally saw me on the screen. Again not because of their skin color but because of their body type. It gave me a WOW feeling, it was like the inner twinkle in me opened up. These two famous women, one a Musical legend and the other a great actress they LOOKED LIKE ME! The arm muscles, the great legs, this was me. I began to stand taller, embrace me.

I can stand up and say I LOVE ME and know that when I say it I truly mean it! I love me! This is what it took for me. And no this is not a testimony but I feel that if I should pose the question to whoever is brave enough to answer it, then I should be able to say what it took for me to love me. As I continue on my journey and I continue to get an age older I feel that there will be more to come out that will make me love me even more.

So I ask you.... what did it take to love yourself? What will it take for you to love yourself? Have you found the end of your rainbow, the yellow brick road for you to stroll down, or are you still looking for it? What is holding you back from loving you or what broke those chains to help you love you? Each of us has a story, and I feel comfortable enough to share a little of mine with you?

"Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself"

"If I don't love me then why the hell should anyone else?"

My thoughts for the evening!
Have a Blessed Day
Hugs N Kisses :)
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Psy
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Postby Psy » Sun May 08, 2016 4:54 am

Because I'm fucking amazing and have no emotional connections to anyone or anything so I could kill my best friend as easily as a stranger.

Yeah I'm narcissistic and have the emotional depth of a saucer. As long as I remember I can look down on someone and view them as beneath me and that they have to prove their worth. It's worked so far, as long as you have no issue with knowing someone who doesn't feel anything then it's all good.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Sun May 08, 2016 10:51 am

Stillettos, meet Psy. lolololol.
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NaranjaRa
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby NaranjaRa » Thu Sep 29, 2016 4:30 am

bump
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AliceElite
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby AliceElite » Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:51 pm

Honestly? It took me years if reconditioning.

I'll use my body hate(now LOVE) as an example. I used to look in the mirror and constantly criticize. I have a zit, I wish u could lose this muffin top, I wish my stomach was flatter, I wish I could get rid of my back fat, etc. And one day I looked in the mirror and I was like "no. I'm overweight, I'm not ugly. I'm chubby and that's OK." and I said that to myself every day I looked in the mirror and criticized myself. That was 20 years of exposure to media telling me I needed to lose weight that I was responding to. 20 years of conditioning is hard to beat.

Then the response became a reflex. After a while, I stopped saying the criticisms entirely. Then I started complimenting myself. And now every time Iook in the mirror I see a drop dead gorgeous, brilliant, strong woman. But it took 5 years to unlearn everything that the world had taught me about myself.

And it is a daily battle, at least, it was, to do the legwork of undoing all the lessons I had passively absorbed growing up.

But holy fuck is it worth it. I have something to push back the suicidal thoughts when they sneak in - love. For myself and the life I've fought tooth and nail to create.

I'd love to start a self love support group here and help us all get to where I am/stay there. <3
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Phara
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby Phara » Sun Oct 02, 2016 6:18 pm

Nice Alice, beautifully written
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DJ_Darkside
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby DJ_Darkside » Sat Oct 15, 2016 10:53 pm

Loving myself was a hard and long road and I'm not sure if I'm even there yet. I have however come a long way. It took years of breaking myself down and building myself back up. When I thought I hit rock bottom I fell deeper and deeper. You know what? It was all worth it. The pain, the psychotic episodes where I nearly killed myself, the times I had to be beaten down to stop this monster inside me from coming out and destroying everything that I love. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

If I could trace it back to a certain point I actually think I really started to appreciate life wholly the last time I should have died. It was the end of a weekend long family yard sale the beginning of last June. We were all drinking and the booze was free. The evening winds down and I'm left chatting with my grandpa. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went but it was something along the lines of he would never want to work on a classic car with me because he thought I knew nothing about mechanics. He told me I was worthless and I would never amount to anything just like my father. This shattered my world because I have never really met my father and my grandpa filled that role growing up. Devastated and on the brink of burning everything I love to the ground I decided to get in my car and go. It was a stormy night and raining hard but I needed to not be there. I got about 10 minutes out of town when I decided that this was a stupid idea and turned around. Wasn't even speeding on the last curb back to my place when my car spun out of control and slammed into the ditch hard. My car cartwheeled a couple of times after jumpin a farmers fence and sliding in a field. I woke up upside down and hanging from my seat. I tried to unbuckle myself immediately but couldn't move my arm and thought I smelled fire. (I didn't, none the less) So I struggled to try and wrench myself out of the seatbelt but it dug deep into my thighs and I couldn\t stop myself from yelling out in pain. After what seemed like and eternity I finally got my other hand to hit the button and fell to the ground (roof of the car). I wearily crawled backwards out of my smashed window on the passanger side in the back and took a look at the heap of scrap metal that was now my car. It didn't matter at the time I just whistled a cartoon bomb drop, slowly got up and walked the rest of the 5 minutes home.

Everyone was still asleep when I got there thankfully so I took off my bloody pants and shirt and tried to wipe off my face. I then thought to myself that I should really call 911. I did and 2 seconds later there was a knock at my door. It was a volunteer firefighter asking if I'd seen andone all bloodied up walking down the street. I said no but he saw my face still bleeding and my arm lifeless at my side. a little later the ambulance showed up and took a look at me. Then The police showed up and I got arrested, spent the night in jail.

The doctors, the police, everyone who saw my car told me I should be dead. I got picked up from the police station by a girl I was madly in love with a couple of years ago but who broke my heart and wallet. She told me with teary eyes and in disbelief " I don't know what I would do with myself if you left me last night and I didn't even say goodbye." She took me in and drove me where ever I needed to go no matter how far. She would take care of my wounds and cook me meals. When she would leave for work she would tell me constantly "The beer is in the fridge, the weed is on the table, you need it more than I do right now".

The point I'm getting at is not loving yourself is a waste. No matter who you are there are people out there who will surprise you with their love. This woman was the last person I expected to do anything for me but she kept herself a secret admirer for so long....The one thing that snapped it for me was when she told me on a sad and depressing day "If only you could see yourself through my eyes, you would see just how amazing of a person you are, meeting you has changed my life and I want you to know that I'll always be there". No one has ever said anything so nice to me. The thought that another person could do all these things without expecting anything in return made me think that no one would do these things for a piece of shit person I must be pretty great, and you know what? I am :)

P.S. Sorry for the long and drawn out story but I felt it was relevant and it kinda helped to finally put this down in words. Thanks Ninja.

My coffin:

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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. Kurt Cobain
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Spoiler: show
ALL HAIL LIEUTENANT DOCTOR COOLCHUNKIA ESQUIRE THE THIRD JR.!!! Lest she blow chunks of cool up yo asssss!!!
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/anna hack! :kiss:
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ink
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby ink » Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:00 am

if that was your coffin, then this new awareness is your rebirth.

perspective changes everything. sounds like you got a proper dose of the good stuff.. hold on to that man. never let that go.

/peace
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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DJ_Darkside
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Re: Loving Yourself, What did it take or What will it take

Postby DJ_Darkside » Tue Oct 18, 2016 1:50 pm

^ That's for damn sure, this lesson is burned into my skull I don't think I'll ever be able to forget... One for the grandkids
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I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. Kurt Cobain
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Spoiler: show
ALL HAIL LIEUTENANT DOCTOR COOLCHUNKIA ESQUIRE THE THIRD JR.!!! Lest she blow chunks of cool up yo asssss!!!
Image
/anna hack! :kiss:

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