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Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:10 am
by Charmosa
Take notes whether you are single or committed, this is good stuff. Her other talks are amazing as well. It has helped me understand relationships better and upped my ability to articulate what I knew through experience.


Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:03 pm
by Phara
oooohhh... ok i'm watching but as i look back on my dismal attempts at relationships... i don't think I've ever been in something long term. I don't count college cuz i found out that fucker was cheating the whole time.

//watches

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:13 pm
by Phara
"looking at your partner from a comfortable distance".... desire going up when watching your partner "holding court"... "there's no neediness in desire"

i love this and it's been something I struggled with ever since I became romantically active. I wonder if it's a problem that women tend to have a little more. As men get closer to me they tend to start trying to clamp down on my personality. Chaining me to some kind of fucking rock. Telling me to "CALM DOWN"... WTF? It's always the fact that i'm a little fireball that draws people to me, and then the minute I start to focus on them... it's what they want tempered. And quite frankly, it's the quickest way to lose me. That juxtapose that people want is infuriating. Be the fire that I desire but tone it down so that I dont get burned. Meh. Relationships are not something I am good at or understand.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2016 11:37 pm
by NaranjaRa
i ended up watching another one of her talks instead and it had me in tears. damn, she has some amazing insight and ideas that i've never heard expressed before. she might be my new favorite love guru! thank you Charmosa!!!

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:58 am
by Charmosa
Phara wrote:"looking at your partner from a comfortable distance".... desire going up when watching your partner "holding court"... "there's no neediness in desire"

i love this and it's been something I struggled with ever since I became romantically active. I wonder if it's a problem that women tend to have a little more. As men get closer to me they tend to start trying to clamp down on my personality. Chaining me to some kind of fucking rock. Telling me to "CALM DOWN"... WTF? It's always the fact that i'm a little fireball that draws people to me, and then the minute I start to focus on them... it's what they want tempered. And quite frankly, it's the quickest way to lose me. That juxtapose that people want is infuriating. Be the fire that I desire but tone it down so that I dont get burned. Meh. Relationships are not something I am good at or understand.


I know, you are drawn to fires too, I can tell. But you can handle the heat. You need another fireball, not a moth.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2016 1:36 pm
by Phara
<3 i heart you girl.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:08 am
by ink
aah the fire.. could it be that the 'fire' devours all and yet is still left wanting? (rhetorical) ive had to come to terms with this, as ive had to control and suppress the fire within for that very reason. tricky. interesting tedtalk.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:08 am
by Charmosa
UPDATE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UAg4Axhg6g

ESTHER PEREL: Avoid the most common argument patterns. Listen to it. Listen to it again. Play it on repeat--it's your new favorite song. Never stop trying to figure out to better communicate. That's why language is always changing.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:55 am
by Charmosa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQ99ACNrJOs
omg 18min mark the Brock Turner references... Tell it Esther!

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:07 am
by Charmosa
23:00 YEss! Love a man for what he does for you, don't hate him for all the ways he fails as a woman.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:13 am
by Charmosa
28:00 Friendship parenting! Fuck yes for segmentation. There is no all-in-one that's also good.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:18 am
by Charmosa
31:00 Wow about the disruption of best friendship.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:20 am
by Charmosa
Holy shit 33, the running commentary I know is getting old but my mind is getting reminded of so many things.

Re: Esther Perel: Desire in a long-term relationship

Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:33 am
by Charmosa
42:00 desire is always about imagination. Anticipation. How can you continue to desire to travel after 20 years, but not your partner after 20 years?