World Bipolar Day

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AliceElite
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Postby AliceElite » Thu Mar 31, 2016 1:51 am

Queen H.

I wanted to shout out to a woman who has been a leader, doer, artist, writer, emotionally idiotic, sacrificial, self-loathing, manic, depressed, loving, moody, gentle, compassionate, and empathatic woman.

Happy world bipolar day. It's Van Gogh's birthday. It's also a day when we get to come together and say our mental illnesses do not define what we will and will not do. It's a day when we come together and celebrate how our illness makes us unique, amazing, inspiring. Hurt. They make us sensitive. They make us feel emotions stronger than others.

Sometimes, that can hurt us very badly. Sometimes, it makes things like Ninja.

But it also, on another, deeper level, makes us sisters (and brothers) with one another, because the crazy ones see different.

Personally? I think we can see more.


With love,
Alice.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Mar 31, 2016 1:53 am

crying. really hard.

thank you completely
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AliceElite
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Postby AliceElite » Thu Mar 31, 2016 1:54 am

Love you. <3
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Thu Mar 31, 2016 4:34 pm

AliceElite wrote:Queen H.

I wanted to shout out to a woman who has been a leader, doer, artist, writer, emotionally idiotic, sacrificial, self-loathing, manic, depressed, loving, moody, gentle, compassionate, and empathatic woman.

Happy world bipolar day. It's Van Gogh's birthday. It's also a day when we get to come together and say our mental illnesses do not define what we will and will not do. It's a day when we come together and celebrate how our illness makes us unique, amazing, inspiring. Hurt. They make us sensitive. They make us feel emotions stronger than others.

Sometimes, that can hurt us very badly. Sometimes, it makes things like Ninja.

But it also, on another, deeper level, makes us sisters (and brothers) with one another, because the crazy ones see different.

Personally? I think we can see more.


With love,
Alice.

That word... bipolar. I get it. In a way that makes me hate it and understand it's usage. From rage to joy. From clarity to epiphany. I swing around in my mind on vines of concepts. And I express accordingly. And they call me bipolar. Cuz I'll go from North to South all day and vice-versa. And then they call me crazy, because people just don't understand. And it's just my life. It all seems normal in my head. And they tell me I'M FUCKIN' CRAZY. As they call me awesome. What the fuck? I'm so confused. Why is what's awesome so lacking in our humanity. It's only in recent days that i've come to be able to tolerate myself, but yet there are so many that think me Messianic. When they don't hate and want to rape me.I never considered myself doing great things, I was just having fun and sharing things, and hanging around. But I see now... that humanity tipped towards dark and a light like mine shines hard.

That's cool. I'm here. And I'll stay strong for all of us. Thank you so much for writing me this. It makes me feel so much less alone.
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AliceElite
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Postby AliceElite » Thu Mar 31, 2016 5:32 pm

Phara wrote:But I see now... that humanity tipped towards dark and a light like mine shines hard.


I think that's what it really does come down to. This place and this world, this culture, these people - have all become so jaded, dulled, quieted. I hate to say the word sheeple but that bright color, that light, that glow - it's something that we don't see often. The pieces of our mind and soul may be cracked and splintered but that's where the real light shines out of.
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Fri Apr 01, 2016 1:01 am

AliceElite wrote:The pieces of our mind and soul may be cracked and splintered but that's where the real light shines out of.


fuck, that's poetry. complete.
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Postby cerrodepedro » Sun Apr 03, 2016 2:18 am

Thank you for posting this. Phara, thank you for giving us your energies.
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Postby Phara » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:28 pm

cerrodepedro wrote:Thank you for posting this. Phara, thank you for giving us your energies.

I like how you call it energies.
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Postby AliceElite » Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:17 pm

For real I'm starting to think that every day is world bipolar day in my world lmfao.
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ravenrussell
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Postby ravenrussell » Tue May 10, 2016 6:15 am

Here is something I wrote about my version of bipolar.

"My Disease Explained"
I, Russell Jay Keenan, being of sound body and mind do hereby donate my soul to the world; to do with and to batter bloody. I've always been told that tomorrow is a new day, but I don't experience that. I have a new me, almost every new minute. My misfiring neurons; controlling emotion, controlling logic, conrolling the very essence of me; are in control. My psychiatrist explained manic-depressiveness to me quite simply.
He said that when a message is being fired across, say a feeling of happiness, there are kind of like mini seiuzures between the gap. The happiness feeling, being logical for the moment, gets misfired to say, the suicidal feeling. People will then ask me why I am suicidal, and there is no logical, environmental, emotional reason for the feeling.
These misfirings happen everyday, randomly. These inconvenient thoughts, lacking any true backing in my own mind, drive me insane. I say and do things that I can't control. When people tell me that I just need to think positive, they don't realize I am trying, misfiring. When people say its all in my head, I'd like to see them run their diabetic pancreas without medicine. To cure their cancer with good intentions.
My brain is me. When people force me to say, "I have bipolar disorder," rather than, "I am bipolar," it shows a general ignorance of my situation. I am a construct of my mind. My mind is diseased. I can work the steps, I genuinely have tried several times. The steps can cure the common ailment of man, I believe this, but I don't for a minute think it will cure my bipolar. Nobody ever says, "cure your broken leg with the steps." Why the arrogance and insensitivity to a disease that has plagued thousands over the years?
I don't need to be told that you are bipolar too, because you say, "I get really happy and depressed too," as you giggle it away. If you had bi-polar you would not be laughing about it. I don't get really happy, I get completely insane. I have been hospitalized more than a dozen times in my life for this illness. This is quite frequently a terminal disease. I have proven my permanent disability to the federal government, with documentation hundreds of pages in length.
Tomorrow doesn't dawn anew for me, I carry this burden heavy and hard. I was diagnosed when I was 20, after a suicide attempt. Before this time, all through my life, I had never been depressed. I had never been manic (remember this isn't a synonym for happy). I used to look at people in school who were depressed as wasting their time. When people were crazy I withdrew as from a hot flame. I was one of you, the great non-afflicted masses. I have been taught a great compassion for those truly sticken with this disease, and those who have it far worse (schizophrenics and partial personality disorders).
Unlike other diseases and illnesses that affect the other parts of the body, this disease drives my very personality. I have some strong attributes, creativity (because of the misfirings), intelligence, increased energy (depending on the phase of the bipolar). That is about as far as the good attributes of the disease go.
In depression phases (which I'm not currently in, so it may be hard to write about), I can not get out of bed, take a shower, write, watch TV, work, or even in any manner care for myself or any of the world. This phase lasts months most of the time. So far, I have yet to find a medicine that lifts me out of this. I have tried close to 40 different medications. I am used to depression. Anhedonia sets in. Anhedonia is the inability to enjoy anything, even things I normally love. I don't have the space to write all of the sypmptoms of a bipolar depressive episode, there is a a few pages written about it in the DSM (a manual that psychiatrist's use to diagnose somebody).
In manic episodes I am truly scary to myself. I have delusions, hallucinations, won't sleep for days. I think a million miles an hour, darting thoughts that fire/misfire/fire/misfire a thousand times a minute. I become insane. These are the times that I become dangerous to myself. I end up yelling at people for seemingly no reason. I will, literally, have no logical reason for my behavior. Again, too much to write about this phase in itself.
In mixed episodes, I shoot up to mania and back down to depression several times in the same day. Again, I can not control this.
If you've read this far, I thank you. I appreciate you trying to understand one of your friends just a little bit better.
Sincerely,
Raven Russell
Peace to all.
-Raven
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Postby Rivoc » Tue May 10, 2016 6:38 am

Phara wrote:
AliceElite wrote:Queen H.

I wanted to shout out to a woman who has been a leader, doer, artist, writer, emotionally idiotic, sacrificial, self-loathing, manic, depressed, loving, moody, gentle, compassionate, and empathatic woman.

Happy world bipolar day. It's Van Gogh's birthday. It's also a day when we get to come together and say our mental illnesses do not define what we will and will not do. It's a day when we come together and celebrate how our illness makes us unique, amazing, inspiring. Hurt. They make us sensitive. They make us feel emotions stronger than others.

Sometimes, that can hurt us very badly. Sometimes, it makes things like Ninja.

But it also, on another, deeper level, makes us sisters (and brothers) with one another, because the crazy ones see different.

Personally? I think we can see more.


With love,
Alice.

That word... bipolar. I get it. In a way that makes me hate it and understand it's usage. From rage to joy. From clarity to epiphany. I swing around in my mind on vines of concepts. And I express accordingly. And they call me bipolar. Cuz I'll go from North to South all day and vice-versa. And then they call me crazy, because people just don't understand. And it's just my life. It all seems normal in my head. And they tell me I'M FUCKIN' CRAZY. As they call me awesome. What the fuck? I'm so confused. Why is what's awesome so lacking in our humanity. It's only in recent days that i've come to be able to tolerate myself, but yet there are so many that think me Messianic. When they don't hate and want to rape me.I never considered myself doing great things, I was just having fun and sharing things, and hanging around. But I see now... that humanity tipped towards dark and a light like mine shines hard.

That's cool. I'm here. And I'll stay strong for all of us. Thank you so much for writing me this. It makes me feel so much less alone.


Alice, That was beautiful. In the truest sense of the word, I really mean that.

Phara, if this old quote doesnt exemplify you, I dont know what does.

“When a great genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him."

[Thoughts on Various Subjects]”
? Jonathan Swift, Abolishing Christianity and Other Essays
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Phara
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Postby Phara » Tue May 10, 2016 12:48 pm

ravenrussell wrote:Here is something I wrote about my version of bipolar.

"My Disease Explained"
I, Russell Jay Keenan, being of sound body and mind do hereby donate my soul to the world; to do with and to batter bloody. I've always been told that tomorrow is a new day, but I don't experience that. I have a new me, almost every new minute. My misfiring neurons; controlling emotion, controlling logic, conrolling the very essence of me; are in control. My psychiatrist explained manic-depressiveness to me quite simply.
He said that when a message is being fired across, say a feeling of happiness, there are kind of like mini seiuzures between the gap. The happiness feeling, being logical for the moment, gets misfired to say, the suicidal feeling. People will then ask me why I am suicidal, and there is no logical, environmental, emotional reason for the feeling.
These misfirings happen everyday, randomly. These inconvenient thoughts, lacking any true backing in my own mind, drive me insane. I say and do things that I can't control. When people tell me that I just need to think positive, they don't realize I am trying, misfiring. When people say its all in my head, I'd like to see them run their diabetic pancreas without medicine. To cure their cancer with good intentions.
My brain is me. When people force me to say, "I have bipolar disorder," rather than, "I am bipolar," it shows a general ignorance of my situation. I am a construct of my mind. My mind is diseased. I can work the steps, I genuinely have tried several times. The steps can cure the common ailment of man, I believe this, but I don't for a minute think it will cure my bipolar. Nobody ever says, "cure your broken leg with the steps." Why the arrogance and insensitivity to a disease that has plagued thousands over the years?
I don't need to be told that you are bipolar too, because you say, "I get really happy and depressed too," as you giggle it away. If you had bi-polar you would not be laughing about it. I don't get really happy, I get completely insane. I have been hospitalized more than a dozen times in my life for this illness. This is quite frequently a terminal disease. I have proven my permanent disability to the federal government, with documentation hundreds of pages in length.
Tomorrow doesn't dawn anew for me, I carry this burden heavy and hard. I was diagnosed when I was 20, after a suicide attempt. Before this time, all through my life, I had never been depressed. I had never been manic (remember this isn't a synonym for happy). I used to look at people in school who were depressed as wasting their time. When people were crazy I withdrew as from a hot flame. I was one of you, the great non-afflicted masses. I have been taught a great compassion for those truly sticken with this disease, and those who have it far worse (schizophrenics and partial personality disorders).
Unlike other diseases and illnesses that affect the other parts of the body, this disease drives my very personality. I have some strong attributes, creativity (because of the misfirings), intelligence, increased energy (depending on the phase of the bipolar). That is about as far as the good attributes of the disease go.
In depression phases (which I'm not currently in, so it may be hard to write about), I can not get out of bed, take a shower, write, watch TV, work, or even in any manner care for myself or any of the world. This phase lasts months most of the time. So far, I have yet to find a medicine that lifts me out of this. I have tried close to 40 different medications. I am used to depression. Anhedonia sets in. Anhedonia is the inability to enjoy anything, even things I normally love. I don't have the space to write all of the sypmptoms of a bipolar depressive episode, there is a a few pages written about it in the DSM (a manual that psychiatrist's use to diagnose somebody).
In manic episodes I am truly scary to myself. I have delusions, hallucinations, won't sleep for days. I think a million miles an hour, darting thoughts that fire/misfire/fire/misfire a thousand times a minute. I become insane. These are the times that I become dangerous to myself. I end up yelling at people for seemingly no reason. I will, literally, have no logical reason for my behavior. Again, too much to write about this phase in itself.
In mixed episodes, I shoot up to mania and back down to depression several timithes in the same day. Again, I can not control this.
If you've read this far, I thank you. I appreciate you trying to understand one of your friends just a little bit better.
Sincerely,
Raven Russell

this is beautiful. i'll flesh out my response more later.
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Postby anynoise » Tue May 10, 2016 4:04 pm

ravenrussell-I wrote out my version of an explanation too...what it's like for me specifically, no general terms. It was a gut wrenching and difficult thing to do. Cheers to you for sharing.
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later." [em]~Mitch Hedberg[/em]
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Postby BigMush » Tue May 10, 2016 7:03 pm

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cerrodepedro
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Postby cerrodepedro » Wed May 11, 2016 3:50 am

Ravenrussel, thank you. If there is anything I've learned about being part of the support network for a couple of people with bipolar and related/unspecified mood disorders, it's been that hearing from a wide variety of firsthand experiences is very important. Treatment has to be very individual since human autonomy is a thing and since bipolar manifests so specifically. Right now co parent is in a hypomanic swing with semi-rapid cycling, and it scares her despite the huge boosts to productivity and creativity.

This isn't meant to be a place necessarily dedicated to support network people, but I should say another thing, that recognizing mania is important. One of the symptoms can be hypersexuality, and my personal take on the ethics is that ability to consent to sex can be impaired. It isn't really an issue for our family, but it's something to keep in mind. It's something I regularly disliked about co parent's ex; she really didn't know when to just take it easy and leave things be OR how to be patient with things like varying emotional availability and energy.

Good job living. Good job existing. Good job helping those around you, at least folks in this forum reading this. That's not a small thing.
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