Musings of the Pharoah - personal poems

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Otakuninjato
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Musings of the Pharoah - personal poems

Postby Otakuninjato » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:02 pm

PTSD-

Its dark as i settle in my skin
Hesitant to let sleep in
This cant be it
A grown man giving himself a pep talk
To go to sleep
When it comes i fall deep
I try to visualise a peaceful sky

But the faces burned in my minds eye
The echo of those faces cries
Loud vocals careen off the walls in my brain
Locked in sleep i feel insane

I tighten with anticipation
From memories past.
Under the dark shadow
That the memories cast
Cerebral memories turn to muscle memory
I reach out to grasp

Falling down an endless pit
The screams follow
So do the faces
Burned in my minds eye
I wake up clothes wet
From cold sweat

Alone again
Fearful that the dreams will start again.

-6ft-

Textstyle poem. Meh...

6 ft under
I can't help but wonder
If my soul is crying or it's the rain

Dripping in this wooden abode
A playground for the worms and mold
Cant see surface events unfold
Again

Wish it never ended
Because in life I just pretended
Not to feel the pain

6 ft over
Myself before it's over
Contemplating life's heartaches
And disdain

For if I didn't have the strength
The will to expand my mortal length
I'd crying 6 ft under
Today
-live life on a different frequency- /horus
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DJ_Darkside
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby DJ_Darkside » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:58 pm

Wow really nice composition and scheme. I can tell this really meant something big to you. Care to divulge into your PTSD experience? This is a perfect outlet if so. If not I understand. Keep em coming, I really felt this one.
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cerrodepedro
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby cerrodepedro » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:47 am

Wow. Thank you. "Cerebral memories turn to muscle memory" explains exactly what people around me have been going through lately. Again, thank you for sharing this here.
Once was lost and now am lost; was blind but now I smoke
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Otakuninjato
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby Otakuninjato » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:24 pm

DJ_Darkside wrote:Wow really nice composition and scheme. I can tell this really meant something big to you. Care to divulge into your PTSD experience? This is a perfect outlet if so. If not I understand. Keep em coming, I really felt this one.

Sure. I was diagnosed with it while i was in service after leaving my tour in Guantanamo.
I struggled with night terrors and physical reactions of dreams that i have (not sure what its called). 7 years after initial diagnosis in service and 5 years after honorable discharge i am finally getting to see a Dr at the VA hospital in Georgia. There is a lot of work and the majority of it comes from keeping myself busy. Not really sure what else you would like to know lol just ask
-live life on a different frequency- /horus
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ink
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby ink » Thu Feb 16, 2017 1:41 am

word, i dig this!

thank you for the share!
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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NaranjaRa
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby NaranjaRa » Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:35 pm

hey Otakuninjato will you please compile all of your poems into a single thread?
we only allow one collected post of writings per person and it then makes it easier for everyone to find and see everything you've written, plus easier for you to update things in one place
much appreciated
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ghostdogg
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby ghostdogg » Tue May 02, 2017 2:25 am

apologies for not getting to this sooner; i read it a while back and found it very profound! The way it wraps up is so impactful.

I agree with everyone's posts here but I especially want to outline two points:
- Thank you for sharing this
- I would love to see more of your poetry, /sub this thread
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ink
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby ink » Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:53 pm

Otakuninjato wrote:Its dark as i settle in my skin
Hesitant to let sleep in
This cant be it
A grown man giving himself a pep talk
To go to sleep
When it comes i fall deep
I try to visualise a peaceful sky

But the faces burned in my minds eye
The echo of those faces cries
Loud vocals careen off the walls in my brain
Locked in sleep i feel insane

I tighten with anticipation
From memories past.
Under the dark shadow
That the memories cast
Cerebral memories turn to muscle memory
I reach out to grasp

Falling down an endless pit
The screams follow
So do the faces
Burned in my minds eye
I wake up clothes wet
From cold sweat

Alone again
Fearful that the dreams will start again.


again, glad you made the attempt to put this to words.. for real! so, was this expression cathartic for you?


/sigh
trauma man.. effects always sticking around like filthy footprints. the ptsd is harrowing. some will never get it, which is great! but they may never understand it either
we are, what we allow to occupy us..





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Otakuninjato
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Re: PTSD- A personal poem

Postby Otakuninjato » Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:07 am

ink wrote:
Otakuninjato wrote:Its dark as i settle in my skin
Hesitant to let sleep in
This cant be it
A grown man giving himself a pep talk
To go to sleep
When it comes i fall deep
I try to visualise a peaceful sky

But the faces burned in my minds eye
The echo of those faces cries
Loud vocals careen off the walls in my brain
Locked in sleep i feel insane

I tighten with anticipation
From memories past.
Under the dark shadow
That the memories cast
Cerebral memories turn to muscle memory
I reach out to grasp

Falling down an endless pit
The screams follow
So do the faces
Burned in my minds eye
I wake up clothes wet
From cold sweat

Alone again
Fearful that the dreams will start again.


again, glad you made the attempt to put this to words.. for real! so, was this expression cathartic for you?


/sigh
trauma man.. effects always sticking around like filthy footprints. the ptsd is harrowing. some will never get it, which is great! but they may never understand it either


Many times when I write it is a cathartic release in a sense. Self reflection and mental exercise are a factor also.
-live life on a different frequency- /horus

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