AliceElite wrote:ravenrussell wrote:Omg, your newest poems are absolutely stunning. Poor is Permanent, and One Minute are substantial and complete. I love all of these new ones. You are growing into your words and vice versa. Amazing, I truly mean it.
one minute I think needs some work, but I don't know where to start. I like it, and I was really important for me to show that masculinity and undoing toxic masculinity and gender roles goes both ways - I have to teach Fox but I also have to teach ME, because i also got all the 'what a man should be' conditioning.
The part of it that I think could be expanded, is your role of 'getting off a video game' (an assumed male activity). Maybe bounce some feminine identity issues in with that, with some metaphor related to what game you were playing, and its assumed gender roles. If the game doesn't fit with the metaphor, then think of one that would. I like the way the poem lays out, and I enjoy your use of parenthesis. Tighten the poem up with a similar stanza structure throughout, is the only other thing I can think of. I myself like to use strange poem formation, so I can't believe I'm even suggesting this to you. love, love, love one minute.